Coherent Article
Nelson “Big Head” Bighetti was always meant to do big things, and since leavingHooli XYZ he’s started fostering the next generation of tech in his luxurious Palo Alto home. Clearly not ready to go on record, Bighetti refrained from calling the space an incubator, insisting, “It’s just where I live.” When I asked where would be a good space to do the interview, he even humbly joked, “What? Oh, I thought you just came in to use the bathroom.” I did use the bathroom, which of course had nothing less than a state-of-the-art Japanese toilet. But before that, I sat with the tech icon poolside, and we spoke about the demands of running an incubator, culture fit and how cool it is when your incubees succeed.
According to our insider, after Belson fired the entire Nucleus division, he had the gall to give them the immoral, if not illegal, task of altering the results. Belson demanded the Nucleus team—as they cleared their desks of ergonomic keyboards and crumpled Homicide cans—complete one final project: the erasure of their own existence. Belson, of course, kept his distance from the distasteful act, as our source tells us: “One of his like, assistants came down and told the engineers they wouldn’t get their severance if they didn’t do it. It was pretty messed up.” Our insider also said rumors swirled internally that Belson didn’t involve the Hooli-Search engineering team in this conspiracy “because it would be really unethical.” A trite concept for the CEO, we’re sure.
This impressive feat is a result of the app’s official release and features that were hinted at in the beta show just how far Richard Hendricks’s team has come in building a mature product. At its core Pied Piper’s platform is built as a community-centered product. Users are connected through peering technology that maximizes streaming capabilities and allows for efficient deduplication capabilities. But the real surprise is that the community features praised in the beta have a transformational end-point: machine learning. Centralized data allows Pied Piper to find long-range patterns in the data it stores and use these patterns to enhance the underlying compression algorithm. In other words, Pied Piper’s compression will get better and better as more and more users submit data. This is groundbreaking
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Separated they live in Bookmarksgrove right at the coast of the Semantics, a large language ocean. A small river named Duden flows by their place and supplies it with the necessary regelialia
“Dick Costolo added, “I feel like I’m at a TechCrunch hackathon, except everyone’s dressed nicer and smells better.” Stoppelman nodded: “It smells great in here.”” — Vanity Fair 2016
Upstart Pied Piper was also in attendance. Founder Richard Hendricks was seen very briefly, and with his company’s recently launched app, it’s no surprise he didn’t have time for much socializing. Pied Piper’s VC Laurie Bream was seen chatting with Zynga’s Mark Pincus. Who’s to say what kind of momentous deal the two were making? With all the new faces in the room, one can’t help but wonder if the next Mark Zuckerberg is afoot? Or perhaps the next Mark Pincus? Both Marks were in attendance, so anything’s possible.
Hooli lost a great mind today, as Nelson “Big Head” Bighetti announced his resignation as Head Dreamer of the Hooli XYZ division, stating he would be focusing on “spiritual wellness and family.” Via a Hooli press release, Bighetti continued: “The Hooli corporation is exceptionally well positioned to continue their growth as an industry leader. While a difficult personal decision, this is the right choice for me at this time. I will always cherish my time at Hooli and look forward to future challenges and opportunities.”
The wind is blowing across the Bay tonight as party guests pack in a boat to Alcatraz Island for Bachmanity Insanity, a sure-to-be-dazzling event hosted by Bachmanity Capital (please note our disclosure here: Bachmanity is an investor in Code/Rag). Check back here for live updates. This liveblog has concluded. Posts have been compiled below in chronological order. 7:47 p.m. En route to the Rock. I’m standing next to Aaron “Double A” Anderson, who was as charming as ever even if there wasn’t any Homicide onboard. He tells me they usually have it at the café. 8:02 p.m. As we approach the island, Bachmanity Insanity is lit up with searchlights against a breathtaking backdrop of the Bay Bridge. I asked one of the many VC-types how he got an invite. “Not sure, Erlich Bachman invited me. No idea who he is. Or what this party is for, to be honest.” 8:07 p.m. Giant Tiki heads loom over us as we enter. A crowd has gathered by the fire dancer to keep warm. 8:12 p.m. Having trouble deciding between the Piña “Suck It” Colada and the Rum “Suck My Balls” Swizzle at the bar. Odd choices for drink names but the bartender assures me they do not actually taste like balls. Some engineers—including the talented Jared Patakian—are discussing how the right Mai Tai could theoretically prevent hangovers. 8:23 p.m. Bighetti and Bachman have arrived! Bachman in a loud fuchsia lei and Hawaiian shirt, Bighetti playing it low key and smart in a hoodie-jacket combo. 8:32 p.m. They’re taking the stage… Bachman seems a bit bitter for a party, but Bighetti cuts the tension with a joke about “Aloha.” We’re being welcomed to the “greatest launch of a company since America itself!” 8:37 p.m. Bachman in the crowd now, loudly telling Double A how the company is doing great financially. 8:39 p.m. Now Bachman’s with Patakian, saying how it’s a pity the young engineer missed his chance to be part of the legacy that is Bachmanity Capital. 8:41 p.m. After Bachman moved on, I overheard Patakian and his crew debating the best way to roast a pig. The one here looks amazing, but I’ve been filling up on breaded Humuhumunukunukuapua`a. 8:42 p.m. Now they’re talking about home brewing. 8:45 p.m. The temperature is preserving our leis beautifully. It’s like we’re in one of those floral refrigerators. 8:47 p.m. The invite said 8-10 but things seem to be wrapping up. An event planner-type is with Bachman, who’s asking about returning the Tiki heads early for a possible discount. 8:51 p.m. Back on the boat! Bighetti and Bachman appear to be strapping a Tiki head to a small boat. They see us, and Bachman shouted up about cost-savings and how Bachmanity Capital always maximizes profits. He then asked Big Head if he could tie a knot. Always the charmer, Bighetti responded, “I can tie my shoes.
In a thrilling change up, the Pied Piper board has transitioned founder Richard Hendricks to the CTO role, as veteran CEO Jack “Action Jack” Barker steps up to the plate. The compression startup company has risen to new heights since they came onto the scene with a big TechCrunch Disrupt win—and an even bigger Weissman score of 5.2. That win was just the start for a company that could truly make the world a better place.”
Hooli’s CEO Gavin Belson announced today that the tech giant has reached an agreement to acquire the middle-out compression startup Endframe. The sale closed at $250 million, and Endframe’s team will take the place of Hooli’s recently-dissolved Nucleus project. While many speculated Hooli was removing itself from the middle-out space, Belson’s motives in dissolving Nucleus now appear to have been well calculated as he scoops up the hottest middle-out compression play on the market. Endframe has been dominating the middle-out compression space, with recent deals totaling over $30 million and serving clients such as Intersite Content LLC and energy-drink company Homicide. Through its revolutionary compression algorithm, the platform provides access to files at a drastically reduced size. Their compression algorithm made news earlier this year with its impressive Weissman score in the low fives, and Endframe founder and CEO Marc Howard has stated they expect to improve their Weissman score in the near future.
Gavin Belson announced this week that Hooli’s long-suffering Nucleus project has been retired. Despite a significant amount of hype and press, the compression platform never had an official launch, and the division will be dissolved. Hooli looks forward to “continued innovation in other spheres, as innovative as the sphere itself.” When Belson announced Nucleus during his TechCrunch Disrupt keynote, the unrealized product struggled immediately, as then-unknown company Pied Piper hit a Weissman score of 5.2, eclipsing Hooli’s 2.89. Bad news continued when Hooli used the Nucleus technology to stream a UFC fight in 4K. Rumored to be one of the best fights in the last 10 years, the match was effectively unaired to the public.
Pointing has no control about the blind texts
Far far away, behind the word mountains, far from the countries Vokalia and Consonantia, there live the blind texts. Separated they live in Bookmarksgrove right at the coast of the Semantics, a large language ocean. A small river named Duden flows by their place and supplies it with the necessary regelialia. It is a paradisematic country, in which roasted parts of sentences fly into your mouth.
She packed her seven versalia, put her initial into the belt and made herself on the way. When she reached the first hills of the Italic Mountains, she had a last view back on the skyline of her hometown Bookmarksgrove, the headline of Alphabet Village and the subline of her own road, the Line Lane. Pityful a rethoric question ran over her cheek, then she continued her way.
Hooli aquires Endframe.
Hooli was expected to win its lawsuit against Pied Piper when the company sued for IP ownership of the startup’s compression algorithm. One can imagine Hooli engineers on the edge of their seats, waiting for the decision that would allow them to put the world’s most advanced, middle-out compression algorithm into the struggling Nucleus project. But those dreams were dashed when a judge, in a binding arbitration decision, awarded Pied Piper full ownership of their IP and ensured both a future of continued innovation from the hot compression play and a world where tech giants like Hooli better think twice about picking on the little guy.
Homicide Energy Drink, known for its publicity stunts, upped their game this week when they live streamed a giant Homicide-can jumping between two buildings. While the general public was no doubt excited to see Blaine “Insane Blaine” Scott perform one of his famous stunts (who can forget the Grand Canyon BASE jump or the ring of fire skydive), compression nerds were far more excited to see Endframe’s live stream, which was the first use of middle-out compression to stream video content